The Wanderer

Im not going to pretend I spend every second of my work day concentrating on the task in hand. Sometimes its mundane, if you define sometimes as all the time. I tend to let my mind wander, not too far mind the last time I did that I found my self standing staring at a blank wall for 20 minutes it was a tad worrying. So on these wanders I often imagine what it would be like if i had the same working day with little added extras. My favourite this week was that I wore roller blades constantly, but no one found it odd, I figured I could get way more work done, my only hindrance would be that of step ladders and come to think of it all stairs in general, this prompted me to hatch a plan to roller blade to work (well to the metro) but I figured I would get mocked and enough of that goes on without adding to it. Another favourite work aid daydream of mine, is of having a monkey apprentice to work alongside you. I thought of this idea a few years back and I guess ive always remembered it. Having a monkey apprentice would be amazing, because a) monkeys are cool as f**k and b) he would never answer back and would do as he’s told finally c) he would share his dinner with me and peel my oranges and bananas , I hate doing that. Other than being awesome and peeling my fruit, other tasks would be hand me tools and get into tricky spaces (and i would always protect my furry friend from electric shock, I imagined that image and I dont care for a Rod Stewart hairstyled monkey)
So amid the day dreams and actual work, i find time to eat, drink tea, listen to my iPod and occasionally sit on the loo looking at funny posts on 9gag.
As im mostly the only girl, toilets are sometimes an issue, most sites ive worked on have been very accommodating and let me share with the secretary or use the disabled loo, however about 6years ago when i was nothing more than a pup, I started work as a newbie, a very nervous newbie. At 16 years old I was rather naive and shy (not terribly shy but no where near as out spoken as now) so anyway, 16, brand new, first day & new people. So after a induction the guy in charge proceeded to show me where the ladies toilets were, now I must point out he used the term ladies very loosely. The toilet in question was a portaloo at the end of a line of 5 other portaloos (bearing in mind an estimated 150 or more people used them…imagine the smell , Jesus !) the ‘ladies’ portaloo was marked (in a Green permanent marker) ‘for girls’ . Now by this point tears had welled up I was horrified, but I took it in my stride, being the only girl I didn’t want to make a fuss, I nodded polietly and began work. There’s only so long you can hold a tinkle in for, and the nerves were building! I sneaked down to the basement where the line of tardis looking creatures stood staring at me, I opened the door marked ‘for girls’ (by now some witty gent had added the word Not above it, genius 😐 ) and began to wee. No sooner had my tinkle begun i heard a great big bang against the door, then another, then it began to shake. Panic crept in and i felt sick, I tried tp escape but it was jammed shut. To make matters worse the toilet had clearly never been emptied for a while and the contents was sloshing beneath my feet. By now I was crying, then to my horror the cubicle rose off the ground and began to shake and move about. At this point I was screaming and banging and trying to avoid used loo roll swilling past my feet. Then silence, the box lowered and hit the ground with a thud, causing more waste to regurgitate from the pan. I exited swiftly and ran away, past a group of gorillas gufawing at my mishap. God knows where I was running to there was no bathroom to clean myself up in. Keeping a brave face I ignored the incident, needless to say I never entered that hell hole again,I simply made use of the disabled toilet in a multi storey car park near by. Still determined to deter me from my newly chosen career path the next day they threw me in the skip, bastards!!
As fun as those times were, I now can sleep peacefully knowing I have a fully flushing toilet equipped with sink and handtowels; also my strength has somewhat improved so I can easily climb out of a skip even with a few bags of rubble thrown in top.
Im not sure how the subject of toilets came up but strangely enough I have notices there is now a padlock on the ladies toilet where im working at the moment. Im the only female, therefore the only one who should be using it however someone keeps changing the combination causing me to almost wee myself every day, as I like to wait until the last minute before urination because I heard somewhere you get more nutrients that way. Bloody tv. I dont see why such high security it worries me that they feel the toilet needs to be padlocked from the out side, who is stealing stuff from a toilet? It also worries me that someone will padlock me in and I’ll starve death or my phone battery will die and I will no longer beable to look on 9gag.com .
To much toilet talk, I need a wee,
Toooooodles